What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
