You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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