Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
