You smell like a Billy Joel song
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
