woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
