girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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