See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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