I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
