my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
