I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
