I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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