You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
