Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I see more hoeing in ur future
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
