This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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