So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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