the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You don't make any sense
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