He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
