i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
