a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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