FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
