There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
And then he peed in my hair
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