he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
