i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
