is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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