Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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