Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
did i just pee glitter
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize