I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize