Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want a musical about memes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
