**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
