I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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