you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Randomize