i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize