Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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