I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
