I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize