Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
ok first of all what the fuck
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
