dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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