I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
