Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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