The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
