I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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