I think my vagina is haunted
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
