I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
