Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
