I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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