Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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