All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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