Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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