I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
