This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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