Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize