Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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