the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
