I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
porn star boner night. come get it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
