I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
