just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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