Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
