I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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