What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
