My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
