I can text with my tongue
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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