ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
