so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
