i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
