You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize