Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
